I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
