DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
PANTIES FOUND
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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