I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
