after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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