I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
