She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
