i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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