Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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