You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
