All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
