stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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