he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
