i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
