I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
