my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
