Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
