If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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