dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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