Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
