I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
