Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
