Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
