So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
