the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
