I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
