STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
