My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think my fart just growled at me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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