Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
