my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
