Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
