I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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