awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
