I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Everyone says I win the strip club
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
