Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
