you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
