i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
