You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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