I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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