I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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