I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am one with the molecules
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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