I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
