I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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