Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Terrible idea I love it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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