this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
