Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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