I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
