yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
