My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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