I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
as a side note pls kill me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
