I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
