honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
