Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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