bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
