i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
