Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
