I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
