There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
