Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
