Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
