i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
